How to Find a Therapist That's Actually a Good Fit

(and what “fit” even means)

Finding a therapist isn’t only about modality or credentials — it’s about fit, access, identity, and sustainability. Therapy only works when the structure around it supports your nervous system. You deserve to find care that feels like a match for you.

Below are some factors to consider as you look for the right therapist.

1) Access: Time & Scheduling

One of the most overlooked parts of finding a therapist is timing.

Does this therapist’s schedule genuinely align with your life?

For example — if your only available window is 45 minutes at lunchtime, is that truly supportive? If you’re doing trauma work, or deeper emotional processing, you might need spaciousness after session. Jumping straight into a meeting can sometimes be dysregulating and exhausting.

There’s no badge of honor for “toughing it out.”

Care is not about proving you can squeeze therapy in — it’s about giving yourself the conditions needed to integrate, rest, and reflect.

Ask yourself:When would therapy feel caring, not rushed?

2) Access: Money & Financial Fit

Therapy is an investment — emotionally and financially.And in our culture, it’s common to undervalue emotional labor or feel guilty about paying for it.

Sometimes we do stretch to afford the therapist who feels right.And sometimes the numbers simply do not work.

If private-pay weekly therapy is not accessible right now, consider:

• therapy interns

• university training clinics

• new clinicians with lower rates

• sliding-scale group practices

  
  

Interns especially can be incredible — they are immersed in training, learning new modalities, and often bring fresh approaches and deep curiosity.

Accessibility is not a personal failure — it’s a real variable in care.

3) Identity / Social Location Fit

For many people, identity matters in therapy.

You deserve to see someone whose social location feels like “they get it” — whether that’s race, gender, sexuality, faith background, parenting experience, disability identity, or relationship structure.

For example:

• you may want a therapist who shares your racial identity

• you may want someone who understands being poly

• you may want someone who deeply understands motherhood

• you may want a therapist who strengthens your Christian faith

• you may want a therapist that doesn't reinforce Christian ideals

• you may want someone with lived experience as a gay man, person with disability, immigrant, etc.

  
  

AND — sometimes naming the difference between you and your therapist can also be deeply supportive.

A good therapist will not make you endlessly explain your oppression or context — and will take responsibility for continuing to learn outside of session so you don’t do that labor for them.

If identity fit matters to you — ask about it in consultation.I am always happy to help you identify your “unicorn therapist” — and I may or may not be that person — but your fit matters.

4) Vibe + Relational Fit

This may be the most important factor of all.

Decades of psychotherapy outcome research (including meta-analytic work by Wampold and colleagues) shows that the therapeutic relationship is more predictive of positive outcomes than the specific modality used.

It’s not mainly about “which technique is best.”It’s about whether something feels alive and growthful in the relationship.

Vibe can look like:

• you feel seen

• you feel gently challenged

• you feel validated

• you feel something shift in the way you relate to yourself

  
  

Therapy works when the relationship works.

5) Insurance, Out-of-Network Care, and Why Some Therapists Don’t Take Insurance

Some therapists are in-network with insurance.Some therapists provide superbills for out-of-network reimbursement (I do this).

Reasons some therapists choose not to panel include:

• smaller caseloads → less burnout, more presence

• flexibility in session length

• reduced administrative burden

• ability to work at the pace that fits a specific nervous system, not a CPT code

  
  

Out-of-network care sometimes expands the kinds of therapists you can see — especially those with specialized training.

6) In-Person vs Telehealth

Some people strongly prefer to see a therapist in person — the body feels safer when you’re sitting in the same physical space, and the ritual of going somewhere matters. That preference is valid on its own. You don’t have to justify it — wanting to be in the room is reason enough to search exclusively for therapists who offer in-person sessions.

And also — telehealth can dramatically increase access — especially for:

• parents with limited childcare

• people with chronic illness or mobility barriers

• rural clients with few local providers

• people who travel or move and need continuity

  
  

Telehealth isn’t “less than.” Sometimes it’s the thing that makes therapy possible at all.

There are also times when the nervous system asks for flexibility — and times when the nervous system asks for the room.

Both are legitimate.

I offer:

• in-person sessions in Greensboro, North Carolina (1515 Cornwallis Dr)

• telehealth sessions in North Carolina, South Carolina, and Colorado

  
  

Final Thoughts

Finding a therapist is not a challenge to “make it work.”

It is an act of care.

Care for your schedule.Care for your nervous system.Care for your finances.Care for your identity.Care for the kind of relationship that actually helps you grow.

You deserve to find someone whose time, fee, identity, presence, and vibe feels like support — not strain.

If you’d like to explore whether we might be a good fit, schedule a free 30-50 minute consultation here.

The fit between us is not about performance — it’s about resourcing your healing in the way that’s actually sustainable.